Ok, so there might be something to this stuff

I had an interesting conversation this morning.

I am in a relationship - aren't we all? One of the real crunch points in this relationship is how much one has to change their behavior to suit the other person. I am from Minnesota and did not grow up in a home where there was a lot of "touchy-feely" stuff that went on, hence, I am not the kind of person would be considered "cuddly." (If you have any problem understanding this phenomenon, check out Garrison Keillor and his weekly radio show called A Prairie Home Companion (http://prairiehome.publicradio.org/) and you'll get the gist of what I mean by this.

Anyway, what's really interesting about this is that I am beginning to think that this whole thing is like playing with a Rubik's Cube. We all have our way of being. We usually match up with someone who is the opposite of the way we are - what we aspire to be, or maybe the extreme of the way we aspire to be. When we find that the other person is making demands on us that we can't meet or don't fit with who we are, we play with the cube and try another combination of the cube, hoping that this new combination will work. I figure that it takes about 7 years to get through all of the combinations that one thinks might work (hence, the 7 year itch) , and then there is a choice.

What happens is, I say something like, "you have to accept me as I am. I am not the cuddly, soft, tender person that you want." Which, of course, means that I am asking this person to change and not NEED to have a warm, cuddly, tender mate because that's not who I am. If they would only not need that kind of person, the person that I am would do just fine. So, either I have to change (become more cuddly, tender and warm) or they have to change and not need those characteristics in a mate.

What I see happening is that some people remain unconscious of the "real issue" and go looking for someone else to meet those needs which often times leads to the breakup of the current relationship and starts a new cycle of ramping up to the 7-year itch, or they just remain in the situation and never get their needs met and remain unconscious in the sense that they become bitter and angry, or they figure out that what they want is a mirror of what the other wants and works on getting out the of the dichotomy to a win-win situation....

And therein lies the problem. Where is the win-win? How does one get to the win-win? I attended a seminar last year given by a remarkable man, Max Schupbach (http://www.maxfacilitation.net/) . In that seminar, he talked about the man from the movie "A Beautiful Mind," about John Nash. One of the things that John Nash figured out in is game theory is that there is always one solution to any problem or conflict that is a win-win situation. And that's what we are looking for. The win-win solution. I have no idea how to get there, however.

We are (there's a 'we') in a situation where the issue that we are trying to work out, along with the rest of the world, is where is "we" vs. where is "I." I tend to think in "I" whereas K thinks in "we." I'm not sure that that's entirely true, but let's accept that as the premise for the moment. When we try to do things, statements are made like "we should go to the store."

Sure, we should. But I don't believe 'we' do anything. I do something and K does something but there is no "we" doing anything. And that's where push comes to shove.

I'm kind of going around in circles right now and getting confused. Max would say that I am getting to an edge right now. Confusion takes over and I lose my train of thought. Ego is like that.

Anyway, this is what we are trying to solve in our relationship. "I" vs. "We." And isn't that what the whole planet is trying to solve? I mean really, when you think about it, if there was a "we," GWB would have signed the Kyoto Protocol, eh? But, there is no "we" in our government right now. It makes me nervous that I could be compared to the current adminitration.