Plugging Away

I'm at this again.

I'm trying to teach myself Photoshop CS because I have it and because I know there are lots of cool things I can do with it that I don't know how to do.

That said, I am watching how I avoid doing the dirty work of really doing the exercises to learn the program. I have this insatiable need to learn the program but no patience for learning the details. I think this falls under the "how you do anything is how you do everything" category and is the story of my life. I am a mile wide and 2 inches deep. Some people are a mile deep and 2 inches wide. And therein lies the problem.

I keep thinking that the people who are a mile deep are the ones who are successful in life. They know how to do something and how to get things done. I just fiddle around. I dabble in things. I don't really have the patience to really stick to anything for very long and when the going gets tough, I am the first to bail.

Is that really true and if it is, how can I make the best of it? I firmly believe that going with one's nature is way more productive than fighting it, so how can I make use of this skill and not have it be a downer or something that gets in the way of things?

These are the things that are on my mind today. I have this picture of a platter and on the platter are these ideas being served up. Somehow that is an interesting picture to me. But, it doesn't solve the problem nor does it say whether the problem is real or not.

I guess I'm feeling AGAIN that I really have nothing to do. I know there are lots of things that need doing but I don't want to do any of them. The house could be cleaned, the dog needs washing, the cars need cleaning, Photoshop needs learning. But, to what end? Why bother? That's always the 64,000 Dollar Question. What makes all of this worthwhile? What difference would it make if I did anything or nothing at all? That's the point I always get back to. I used think that making money was important. I used to think that being well read was important. But, in the end - none of it makes a damn bit of difference really. And that's really the problem. Living with no goals or belief that anything makes a difference really grates on the system after awhile.

So, what to do now? Pretend to be happy? Pretend that anything means something? Pretend that any of this makes any difference? I just don't know if it's worth pretending anymore.

Where does that leave me? I don't know. On the ocean in a rowboat floating around with no land or ships in site. Just floating.

Is this hormones or reality? I never know.